My Realm of Maybes

So I am officially all moved into my new home for the year. Decorations up, and one house mate moved in, with one coming soon. But even with all this excitement, this, sadly, is not what my mind has been dwelling on.

Although I have many practical things I should be thinking about, my mind wanders elsewhere to a realm of curiosity and "what if"s. I know it is silly, and I wish I could constantly focus... do that 'be where I'm at' thing, but no matter how hard I try, at night, or in the early morning, or when something changes, my mind drifts off into a gentle haze of "maybe".

I think it's because life is kinda hazy for me right now... I have no way to predict what's going to happen the next day, week, month, or until Christmas. Even though I've been in England almost a week I still have no more idea about the future than the day I left America. No more solutions... only more questions... only more maybes.

And unfortunately this isn't one of those, "I should give this up to God" things. It's a me thing... it's a how I'm wired thing... It's a "this is why I sit and ponder for hours in bed before I actually wake up and greet the world" and "why my journal is full of thoughts and hopes" thing.

This week we have a conference introducing Connect and Navs and all those good things. I'm kinda nervous about being the only non-English person, but as I get more accustomed to being here I start to realize... they all knew I wasn't English when they invited me to come.