My Realm of Maybes

So I am officially all moved into my new home for the year. Decorations up, and one house mate moved in, with one coming soon. But even with all this excitement, this, sadly, is not what my mind has been dwelling on.

Although I have many practical things I should be thinking about, my mind wanders elsewhere to a realm of curiosity and "what if"s. I know it is silly, and I wish I could constantly focus... do that 'be where I'm at' thing, but no matter how hard I try, at night, or in the early morning, or when something changes, my mind drifts off into a gentle haze of "maybe".

I think it's because life is kinda hazy for me right now... I have no way to predict what's going to happen the next day, week, month, or until Christmas. Even though I've been in England almost a week I still have no more idea about the future than the day I left America. No more solutions... only more questions... only more maybes.

And unfortunately this isn't one of those, "I should give this up to God" things. It's a me thing... it's a how I'm wired thing... It's a "this is why I sit and ponder for hours in bed before I actually wake up and greet the world" and "why my journal is full of thoughts and hopes" thing.

This week we have a conference introducing Connect and Navs and all those good things. I'm kinda nervous about being the only non-English person, but as I get more accustomed to being here I start to realize... they all knew I wasn't English when they invited me to come.

New Address

So, I moved to England, and though I'm not actually moved into my new place yet, I felt I should supply my coming English address:

Elizabeth Skepnek
84 Highway Road
Evington, Leicester LE5 5RF
(and this is the part for all the Americans)
Leicestershire, England, UK

love you all! and I'll update about my trip soon!
-Elizabeth

One Week from 17 minutes ago.

I am leaving to go back to England. *deep breathe* Crazy.

I'm not packed... which is slightly terrifying, and I'm worried that my body has adjusted to the Arizona heat and may die of cold when I step off the plane... Or I'll drown if it's raining.

I am excited to go back, but terror outweighs it by more than I can convey.

The only things I have been thinking about is spending as much time as possible with the people I am closest to, packing, making sure I didn't forget something I'll actually need that I don't want to/couldn't buy over there, and eating all the good food I can, since, no offense guys, but you know... it is England.

*sigh*

one week from 23 minutes ago now... oh dear.

Big World... too much to think about.

Right now I should be on a plane to Mexico. Unfortunately, with having fundraising, moving, cleaning, getting my visa, seeing my friends, being sick, and being absurdly poor on my mind, I forgot that when I sent my passport to California to let the Brits put a UK passport in it, that I would need that same passport to get into/back out of Mexico later that week.

damn.

It was one of those thoughts that didn't even cross my mind. Which got me thinking about other thoughts, that until recently, have never crossed my worried mind. And trust me, it's full.

My brother, and one of my most beloved friends, is doing something very brave, especially considering his age. He is looking to buy a business. He wants to become an entrepreneur. To own his own coffee shop. Unfortunately, it costs money that he doesn't have.

His venture has gotten me thinking a lot about my own financial future. Yes, right now I am fundraising for my salary, but I highly doubt this will be the case forever. And eventually I'd like to have some amount of financial stability in my life. But does financial stability mean physical stability? or emotional or spiritual stability? Is there a career I could do and travel all over the world still? oh, but I guess I'd like to get married and all that...

humph... I guess one day I'll do the adult thing... lol. maybe.