Memory Lane Must Run Parallel with Future Ave.

So today I went to visit my old high school. Mesquite High... home of the Wildcats... (WILDCATS IN THE HOUUUSE!... haha... riiight). The trip was... not what I expected, to say the least.

Hanging out with my old teachers was great. I got to see Mrs. Abbott, Mrs. Paulson, Dr. Kramer, Mr. Stone and Mr. Brabec, and the only teacher I missed that I had really meant to see was Mr. Dole, my old science teacher. haha. And going to see these old teachers was amazing. A few of them I got to catch up with a bit, hear about their lives in the past 4 years, talk about my degrees, my lab and moving to Europe, but I the coolest part of talking with my old teachers was getting to share a bit with them that I am reluctant to share with most people.

Most people don't know all my reasons for wanting to move back to England. Yes, I have many friends there, yes, I loved living there, yes, I am a very private person, yes, I have lots of thoughts that I don't share with anyone... haha. But getting to share one of my most secret reasons with one of my favorite teachers, one of the women who has inspired me most in life, I felt more encouraged than I could possibly describe. She was actually happy for me. She didn't question me, she didn't ask me to rethink it or ask if I was sure or not about my reason. No. Instead she smiled, congratulated me, was excited for me and asked for all the details. *sigh* It was the exact reaction that I have never gotten that I've always wanted.

Although this alone would have made my day and I certainly was not expecting it, two other things happen when I was entering my old school which still slightly baffle my mind.

1) I walked in from the student lot. I came in right as classes were getting out and I was hoping to swing in just as most of the students were leaving, but before the teachers. This wasn't the weird part. The weird part came one right after the other as I was walking onto the campus. I was about to cross the street from the lot to the building, but I guess people have to wait to cross the street (haha... at 16 people are still apparently too dumb to know when or not to cross the street from the incoming buses.) and the crossing guard called out "ma'am, you have to come on this side... these crazy kids might accidentally run you over. Most of them just got their licences, you know." I looked up... was she talking to me?! There was no one else there. I looked around me to make sure there wasn't someone else near me. Nope... I was the "ma'am"... This was weird thing number 1.

2) So eventually I got to cross the street. Walking into the school a crowd of kids start walking toward me, some of the girls were walking backward and flirting (haha... I definitely remember thinking that not only was this talented, but cool at one point of time) And some guy in the group looks toward me and says to the girl trying to get his attention "hey, turn around, some lady is behind you... don't run into her." I looked up and he smiled, like he had just something gentlemanly or something... meh, maybe it was... but LADY?! me? I'm not OLD. some LADY... humph.... urg.

I guess I don't really think of myself as an adult. Yes, I will be a college grad in 4 months... whatever. It's still weird. I guess the great part of the experience was with Abbott, but the stuff with the students make me giggle... lady. haha.

Reviewing Old Mistakes

So today I was looking at a friend's old postings on an old joke site from high school. This stuff was posted almost three years ago. And it just made me remember so much about high school. So much that I don't really think of anymore. I think I forgot a lot about what my high school experience was really like. The awkwardness of being young and having these unexplainable emotions and ideas that no one would really confirm or deny. Wanting to be an adult, having the emotions of an adult without having the patience or wisdom to really be able to make good decisions. And having no one to lean on but others my own age with similar experiences. It was painful.... really.
There was so much going on in high school! People were constantly fighting and we were all questioning our worth and importance in this world. How do you answer those overwhelming concepts with no one to turn to but your peers? I am starting to become amazed that anyone really survives past high school.
Anyways, he was ranting and raving a bit about how he hated my decisions at the time. I never knew he had felt that way about my actions. He never said anything about it to me, so reading it today came as somewhat of a shock as to his anger over what had happened. To his defense, I did do the things he had said, to my defense I never knew I had made an error. So who is at fault? Well, I am feeling pretty badly over being a jerk and not knowing it, but the situation stops there. I am not the person I was at the time, I am not in the situation I was at the time and the world has drastically changed since then.
I think I will begin to post the situations in my life on this blog in hopes that through this I will see my mistakes clearly in hopes of not repeating the same mistake twice.
I am fallible. I will always mess up somewhere. I am not perfect, nor will I ever be. But I am called to follow hard after Christ. Jesus Christ. And while I am going to screw up along the way hopefully I can go to that person, ask their forgiveness and try again. I just wish I could have made right my actions against this man that I knew. Well, I suppose he and I are friends now, or at least he is not someone that hates me anymore, so I guess that he forgave me somewhere along the line.

I feel God laying Matthew 5:21-24 on my heart to end this post. His words are way more applicable and worthwhile than mine.
"21You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.' 22But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, 'You fool!' will be liable to the hell of fire. 23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift."