God Knows So Much More Than I

In the past few months I have become increasingly grateful for my family, and this gratefulness was surpassed more than ever before this week.

My parents have not been very church-y people most of my life, in fact, though I don't doubt their faith, they still don't stand under the traditional church standards, and for this I have usually been ashamed. My family has not really held to traditional standards most of my life and this has led me to sometimes wish I had a different family, but after this week I really don't think I'd wish it ever again.

My friend and I had a crazy idea a week ago today. We decided to go skydiving. IT WAS AMAZING! And instead of freaking out, telling me I was crazy, or suggesting I shouldn't go, my parents told me to have fun and call when I was safely back on the ground. The day of the trip due to my anxiety from the night before and my adrenaline rush during the dive, I was exhausted by 2pm, so when my mom called to congratulate me at 4 I was still kinda out of it. But I think the kicker in the whole situation, the thing that made me truly look at my family in a way I probably haven't seen them before was my aunt posting her status on facebook as a congratulations to me. I couldn't believe it, my whole family actually supports me.

Many of my friends told their parents what I'd done and their parents asked them not to go. Haha... these people tell their kids to stay safely on the ground, my family encourages me to jump out of a plane, and have an absolute blast during the fall back to Earth.

My family's not perfect, far from it, but if there is one thing I hope to pass onto my children that my parents have taught me, it's that the best things in life are scary, hard to face, and probably dangerous, but if you don't do them, then what's the point of living? Looking back on the past 21 (almost 22!!) years, I'm only just starting to realize why God put my where He did.

Dedicated to my mother, father, all the crazy Mexicans I'm related to, and all the crazy white people too. Thank you for all the wonderful support and compliments this week, it has really meant a lot. Much love, Elizabeth-Marie (zibet)

Better than "good"

So my application for a long term trip to England is due soon. Yes. I made my final decision, for all those who I haven't told yet I am going back to the UK, preferably back to Leicester, for EDGE (actually, its called Connect, but thats not all that important). And my application is supposed to be in ASAP.
So today I looked at all my deadline dates, my potential interview dates, and training dates and suddenly I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness. I am leaving. This is it. This is my final year in America, and though I don't doubt that I will come back I don't know if it will be for an extended time, or just for vacations, or what. And I know I don't feel as comfortable here as I do abroad, but I still feel a sense of loss.
This is the country I have called my home for, well by the time I leave, 22 years and now God is calling me on something completely different, into an unknown that I don't really understand at all. And I am completely trusting Him that I won't fall into shambles the second I step off the plane at Heathrow...again. What if I get there and that same overwhelming dread that I had last time resurfaces? What if I am completely alone again? What if I never have the happy ending I always dream of? What if what I already had and dismissed is as good as life gets?
I know that God has the best for me planned, but I have spend so few years knowing of "happy endings" and so many years experiencing painful and dreadful things... often I often wonder if I'm going... nowhere.
And so here I sit, wondering if it wouldn't just be best to stay in America, get a practical job, do the marriage and the babies thing here. The whole "white picket fence" idea. In my heart I keep hearing how "safe" that would be. How happy it would make my parents and family. How conclusive. How predictable.
People have told me throughout my childhood and adulthood thus far that I'm not the girl who leads the "normal" life. That something spectacular will happen with me or for me or from me... something like that. I don't really think that I agree with this position. I mean, honestly, my greatest joy in life would be to sit with a man who loves God and loves me, reading a great book on a warm day in a big grassy field. That is all I really want out of life...my silly little dream. And still, for a person who wants so little, it seems odd that huge things should continually roll through my life. But maybe that is how God works, He gives us more than we could ever dream of... more than my field and book. Maybe my constant thought of "this is as good as it gets" should change. I don't know what it should change to, but I guess that is part of the journey as well.