Things I Assumed as a Kid

Having more friends makes you happy

Lie. I didn't realize it growing up because I've always been really friendly and bubbly, but I am a huge introvert. Probably why I'd rather blog than discuss my thoughts with the outside world, really. I always wanted to be popular... to "belong". 

First, having more friends doesn't make you any less lonely. Second, people are investments. Investments take time to grow and mature, like good friendships. Some of my friendships are going on decades, others are relatively new, but I think that you can usually tell the ones that you'll cash in fast compared to the ones you're keeping for the long haul. 

I want ALL the toys

Getting all the toys as an adult is exhausting and expensive. I think I'd rather just have the things that make me most content, which may or may not be something relatively inexpensive. 

On my inexpensive list: Coffee with friends, walking around the 24 hour Target or Walmart with Ash, driving (although I suppose that does require a car and gas), sitting on the beach, writing, playing an instrument, cuddling, swimming. 

Expensive list: food, whisky, tequila (basically all alcohols, I'm in my late 20s... can't mess with crap alcohol anymore), good furniture, my bed and sheets, clothes, haircuts, shoes.

I'll know and understand everything when....

FALSE! I will never know or understand everything. I just need to give that one up. 

Driving is fun

This is true, unless I am in traffic, in a large city and I just got cut off my someone. Then my fury will be unleashed upon their soul.

Adults have an endless supply of money and time

I really wish this were accurate. I didn't understand my dad when he told me to enjoy being a kid, or enjoy being in high school, or enjoy being in college. I did enjoy all those things, but I always just wanted to skip to the end and be a fully fledged licensed adult. I always want to skip to the end. I have little patience for processes, still. But at least I realize it now. That's progress, right?

Grownups are graceful and perfect

Growing up I was a huge tomboy. I liked playing in the dirt with the boys, not playing with makeup. I still wish makeup weren't a thing in my life, but I will eternally trip over nothing, run into doors or hit my elbows on tables. If part of growing up is acceptance, I think we can call this a success. But I think there is some part of me that secretly hopes I'll be some graceful ballerina one day. 

The Job Hunt Goes On

What I'm Reading:

2 Samuel 8

What I got:

Tomorrow I'm starting a lent devotional plan. Other than that... I dunno.... God is vengeful?

Prayer:

I'm supposed to start going running for lent... ulgh... LORD help me.

Conclusion:

Why did I say I'd go running for lent? I'm not even Catholic.

Hair and Certainty

What I'm Reading:

James 1... it actually took me a while to decide.

Verses that stood out:

² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. ⁶ But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. ⁷ That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. ⁸ Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

²⁶ Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. ²⁷ Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Prayer:

LORD, I long to be a woman of wisdom. I feel you fulfilling your promise, I see it in my life circumstances, and it makes me happy. But sometimes I don't see a bigger picture yet and I get frustrated and hurt. Keep me seeing that my circumstances do not define You. Lord, lead me to some job. Show me where to apply and put my efforts. I'd really like that place in London, but I'm soooo under qualified. I'm half-tempted not to apply but I don't want to run away from something just because I'm afraid I might fail. That's just ridiculous.

Lord, I wish I felt as stable as James. He KNEW, without a doubt, that you'd come through. It isn't that I don't believe you'll come through, it's just that I'm still trying to figure you out, so I don't know what to expect. For years I thought I had you pinned... figured out, in a box, but the more of life I experience and the more I get to know you the more I realize i know NOTHING.

"Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your

life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t." Baz Lahrmann

Conclusion:

another day of applications. Today I cut Matt's hair... conclusion to that? I shouldn't be a hair stylist. ;-)

I love you, Freddie Mercury.

What I'm reading:

Genesis 28

Verses that stood out:

³ May God Almighty^[b] bless you and make you fruitful and increase your numbers until you become a community of peoples. ⁴ May he give you and your descendants the blessing given to Abraham, so that you may take possession of the land where you now reside as a foreigner, the land God gave to Abraham.”

¹⁵ I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.

²⁰ Then Jacob made a vow, saying, “If God will be with me and will watch over me on this journey I am taking and will give me food to eat and clothes to wear ²¹ so that I return safely to my father’s household, then the LORD^[f] will be my God ²² and^[g] this stone that I have set up as a pillar will be God’s house, and of all that you give me I will give you a tenth.”

Prayers:

God, I'd love to have a directive as clear as this. I feel stuck in the calling I have already felt you give, and now I'm not sure where to run with it. As another week looms ahead I have to face the facts. I'm still unemployed and have no idea what I'm doing. Please Lord, let it break soon.

Thoughts:

My husband, Matt, is writing a talk on satisfaction. He asked my thoughts and the first thing that jumped to mind was Freddie Mercury of Queen. In 1976 he wrote the song "Somebody to Love". Still a hit. 15 years later Queen wrote "The Show Must Go On". In the mid-seventies Freddie was a talented, young gay man who was one of the world's best performers. He had his whole life ahead of him. And 15 short years later he was sick, dying of AIDS, could barely walk, and still had no one to love. One of the lyrics of The Show Must Go On is, "inside I am breaking, my make-up may be flaking, but my smile still stays on."

Tragic.

I don't want to discuss morality or homosexuality. What I wish for this man was that he had felt the love and acceptance I feel. He spent his whole life searching for someone to love. The first line of the song is, "Can anybody find me somebody to love." We get our answer 15 years later. Apparently "no".

People adored the band. They still do. Queen is still one of the biggest artists of all time. But, and I hate cheesey-ness, I guess we cannot forget. The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return. That last verse in Genesis 28 speaks to me. That God already loves. I just have to accept it and love back. It's really a one way deal for him until I respond.

Conclusion:

I have more applications to fill out.

Camels and obesity

What I'm reading:

Deuteronomy 32

Why:

for a long time I've had a verse in mind but could never find it. Alas, all I had to do was type it in the biblegateway.... obviously.

What stood out:

¹⁵ Jeshurun grew fat and kicked;
filled with food, they became heavy and sleek.
They abandoned the God who made them
and rejected the Rock their Savior.

Thoughts:

Since this is the verse I was looking for, of course it's the one that stood out. I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be content in Christ, verses just being content. I have a lot. I live in a prosperous place, I have a loving husband, a relationship with God, good friends, a nice house, and more things that I could use. Still, there are things I pray for. I pray that we can afford to buy a bed (ours broke moving into the new house... it didn't fit up the staircase), we'd like to go on vacation, we'd like to get a dog, and I'd love not to have to worry about where the money for our bills will come from every month. But somehow God does provide. I guess it is just remembering that the prayer is, "give us this day our daily bread" not our "annual" bread.

prayer:

LORD, I have become fat and sleek. I'd love to have a break with learning through financial hardship, but if that is the easiest way to get my attention, please keep using it. There are things I care WAY more about that I'd rather stay as good as they are. Still, I'd really like to have some time where my marriage vows learned to live in "richer" rather than always being "poorer". ;-)

Song stuck in my head:

I will always love you by Whitney Houston, and not just because she passed away. I've had it stuck there for a while, I guess it was a good thing Glee did it too.

Conclusion:

I wish I could live an existence of wealthiness and be able to "pass through the eye of a needle." or something like that.

Faith, Food, Amusement

What I'm reading:

Luke 24

Verses that stood out:

²⁷ And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning himself.

⁴⁰ When he had said this, he showed them his hands and feet. ⁴¹ And while they still did not believe it because of joy and amazement, he asked them, “Do you have anything here to eat?” ⁴² They gave him a piece of broiled fish, ⁴³ and he took it and ate it in their presence.

Why they stood out:

So, I find a lot of grace in verse 27. I know this may sound weird, but when I read it I hear how Jesus, after his death and during the resurrection came and talked to some guys for a few hours and re-explained EVERYTHING he had been talking about and doing for the past 3 years. And, after all this, still, these guys were normal people. So what I hear from all that is no matter how much you "know" Jesus, you are NEVER immune to normal stuff. I don't want to call it "sin", not because I'm so post-modern or whatever, but because I feel that has become an outdated word. No, let's call it, evil. No matter now much these guys knew God or could talk to him or could understand him or could be known by him, they still went on their way being partly evil. They were still bad. I'm not saying they weren't reformed or that they didn't also do good things, they just couldn't stop humanity from getting in the way of godliness. As a Christian, I find a lot of grace in that.

the second one: OMG! SERIOUSLY?! This is hilarious. Jesus appears out of nowhere and one of the first things he does is say, "hey dudes, I'm starving, anyone got anything to eat?" LOL. God is just funny. This is the kind of passage that makes me feel happy about my faith. Faith isn't some dead, stoic, serious thing. Well... it doesn't have to be. Literally, it can all come down to food.

Prayer:

Lord, I submitted another application today. I pray I get an interview and get the post. But since it isn't my dream post, if I had to choose, I'd rather have the one in London. I have no idea which applications will ever go anywhere, but I would really appreciate it if something came through soon. I really hate doing laundry.

Also, I'd like to become less selfish in my prayers... best of luck in that.

Something from Reality:

I'm currently reading "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo". I'm so lost with all the Swedish names. Thank God there are so many pronouns in English... I'd never know if most characters were men or women.

Conclusion:

I don't really have a succinct thought about this. Probably because my stomach is a bit upset.

Morning by Morning

What I'm reading:

Proverbs 15

What stood out:

¹² Mockers resent correction,
so they avoid the wise.

¹³ A happy heart makes the face cheerful,
but heartache crushes the spirit.

¹⁴ The discerning heart seeks knowledge,
but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly.

¹⁵ All the days of the oppressed are wretched,
but the cheerful heart has a continual feast.

¹⁶ Better a little with the fear of the LORD
than great wealth with turmoil.

¹⁷ Better a small serving of vegetables with love
than a fattened calf with hatred.

¹⁸ A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict,
but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.

³³ Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD,
and humility comes before honor.

My prayer:

LORD, make me wise and discerning. Show me how you see what I am too blinded to understand. Always remind me of what I have already learned.

Conclusion:

Thank God I'm not God.

Sorry it's short.